The Art Of Communication

Last Tuesday, our pre-marital counselees reported to us that they managed to avoid much arguments/conflicts by practicing "the art of communication" that they learnt in the earlier sessions. That's good. We assured that that this art is to be learnt throught theirf marriage lives - even we are still learning and practicing.

Communication is at the heart of all intimate relationships. Communicating is the way that we create and share meaning with one another. In fact it is impossible not to communicate. Some one wisely said,"We cannot, not communicatge." No matter what we are doing we are communicating - even when we are not speaking. Silence can speak volumes!!

Our trainers told us, "Communication is to a relationship as blood to our bodies. Communications and conflicts are closely tied together."Good communication has 2 parts :

1) Skillful sending of messages and

2) Skillful receiving of messages

One eg. of skillful sending of messages is to use the "I- message"& avoid the "You-message"

- it gives you owership of your feelings and avoid blaming your partner for the way you feel.

Which is better ?

I) "You make me mad when you don't........... - Blame

II) "Honey, I feel upset/mad when you don't....." - Ownership of feelings

Practice using the I-message will help you and your partner develop skill in expressing your feelings or concerns without insulting, fighting with, or blaming one another.

" I am excited about .......... because......"

" I am frustrated about ............ because........"

"I am nervous or uneasy about..........because......"

"I am happy that..... because..." and so on

Then of course, there's the SOLAR TEA. Will let you know later.