Whatever his failings were, we his children choose to forgive and forget and to remember the good and the kindness in him. Thus year after year, my mum, together with the children would celebrate his birthday. The grandchildren adored him to bits.
Thus, when he suffered a stroke after the Chinese New Year, the whole family sprung into action. It was not his first brush with death. In 2007, my father was hospitalised for pneumonia. And further complications followed and we thought he was going to die. It was touch and go. I was emotionally unprepared to let him go. Read here and here. Fortunately he recovered and lived for another 8 good years.
Our class 1st reunion was to be held on 28 February. I decided to to return home a few days earlier to spend time with the old folks. My father would be just too happy to 'belanja' us roti canai. The day before I boarded the plane, my sister called to inform me that father had been hospitalised. Immediately upon arrival, Alfred and I went to the hospital.
My brothers were already there and we did our best to make father comfortable. My brothers took turns to keep vigil. I took the day watch. I held my father's hand and talked to him. He squeezed my hand rather tightly as I talked. I told him to relax and not struggle. I explained to him what happened to him, what the doctors are doing for him. I told him why the doctors had to put the restraint on his hand and foot. All the while he squeezed my hand as if to indicate that he heard me.
We kept monitoring his pulse and blood pressure and whatsapped to members of the family to keep them updated. The second day, when I talked to him, his hand squeeze was noticeably weaker, but I continued my conversation. I told him Alicia was flying back from Australia. I told him the rest of the children and grandchildren are coming back and wouldn't he like to see them again? In my heart, I was hoping that my father would recover just enough to be able to see his loved ones for the last time before he leave us permanently.
It was always my prayer that father and mother would not see death until they have heard the good news of salvation of Jesus Christ. I invited my pastor friend to share the gospel with him and to pray for him. My friend told him of the love of Christ and invited him to pray to receive Jesus in his heart. My father kept squeezing my friend's hand, though weakly. I can only trust and commit my father to my God. The third day, my youngest brother came. He also began to pray for father and significantly, he was with dad in his very last moments.
Father's funeral was more of a celebration of his life. Neighbours and friends began streaming to the house when they heard of his demise. The wake was more quiet compared to my grandfather's time. In grandfather's time, there was much wailing (to show that he was missed by the family) and there was much clashing of cymbals as the Taoist monk chanted the prayers.
Family members who are inclined to Buddhist teachings would follow the monk to chant prayers. Some neighbours also joined in. The rest of us who profess Christian faith helped by welcoming neighbours and the
friends who came to pay their respects. It was also a time of renewal of friendships as we met many old acquaintances what we lost touch with.
Young Aaron helped by making sure that the flowers were kept fresh by constant spraying the blooms! The 4 pretty young grand daughters were adept at collecting and recording the 'silver money' donated by friends and neighbours.
Dad's body was laid for 5 days, and finally on the last day, it was time to say our last goodbyes. We walked round the coffin to have the final look. Sombre, dignified. Members from the Lim Association paid their respects, The Hoong Chiew Dialect Clan sent representatives and so did the MCA. Relatives, friends and neighbours also paid their last respects.
Finally the funeral procession made its way and people who came accompanied the hearse on foot from the house to the main road. The hearse then made its way to the crematorium in Kluang,
All the family members too placed a flower on the coffin and slowly, the coffin was wheeled into the chamber. There was flashing, psychedelic lights accompanied by soft music as the chamber slowly closed. The ashes was then collected and put in an urn. It was then deposited in a columbarium.
What a contrast to grandfather's funeral! read here
How much do children understand about death? Below is an excerpt of my conversation with Nathan (on skype) :
Our class 1st reunion was to be held on 28 February. I decided to to return home a few days earlier to spend time with the old folks. My father would be just too happy to 'belanja' us roti canai. The day before I boarded the plane, my sister called to inform me that father had been hospitalised. Immediately upon arrival, Alfred and I went to the hospital.
My brothers were already there and we did our best to make father comfortable. My brothers took turns to keep vigil. I took the day watch. I held my father's hand and talked to him. He squeezed my hand rather tightly as I talked. I told him to relax and not struggle. I explained to him what happened to him, what the doctors are doing for him. I told him why the doctors had to put the restraint on his hand and foot. All the while he squeezed my hand as if to indicate that he heard me.
We kept monitoring his pulse and blood pressure and whatsapped to members of the family to keep them updated. The second day, when I talked to him, his hand squeeze was noticeably weaker, but I continued my conversation. I told him Alicia was flying back from Australia. I told him the rest of the children and grandchildren are coming back and wouldn't he like to see them again? In my heart, I was hoping that my father would recover just enough to be able to see his loved ones for the last time before he leave us permanently.It was always my prayer that father and mother would not see death until they have heard the good news of salvation of Jesus Christ. I invited my pastor friend to share the gospel with him and to pray for him. My friend told him of the love of Christ and invited him to pray to receive Jesus in his heart. My father kept squeezing my friend's hand, though weakly. I can only trust and commit my father to my God. The third day, my youngest brother came. He also began to pray for father and significantly, he was with dad in his very last moments.
Father's funeral was more of a celebration of his life. Neighbours and friends began streaming to the house when they heard of his demise. The wake was more quiet compared to my grandfather's time. In grandfather's time, there was much wailing (to show that he was missed by the family) and there was much clashing of cymbals as the Taoist monk chanted the prayers.
Family members who are inclined to Buddhist teachings would follow the monk to chant prayers. Some neighbours also joined in. The rest of us who profess Christian faith helped by welcoming neighbours and the friends who came to pay their respects. It was also a time of renewal of friendships as we met many old acquaintances what we lost touch with.
Young Aaron helped by making sure that the flowers were kept fresh by constant spraying the blooms! The 4 pretty young grand daughters were adept at collecting and recording the 'silver money' donated by friends and neighbours.
Finally the funeral procession made its way and people who came accompanied the hearse on foot from the house to the main road. The hearse then made its way to the crematorium in Kluang,
All the family members too placed a flower on the coffin and slowly, the coffin was wheeled into the chamber. There was flashing, psychedelic lights accompanied by soft music as the chamber slowly closed. The ashes was then collected and put in an urn. It was then deposited in a columbarium.
What a contrast to grandfather's funeral! read here
Throughout all the funeral, my mother was very calm and resolved in making decisions on funeral preparation and the direction of the funeral procedure. The leadership in her surfaced at this critical time and I am extremely proud of her. Whatever hardship she suffered, whatever difficulties she had undergone in her life, she put them aside to give my father a dignified burial. Below is a pic of mum (left) with her younger sister(right) and their best friend (centre).
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