We just returned from my father-in-law’s funeral. He passed away last Friday. The funeral was simple and dignified. Bishop Voo delivered the message and Rev. Lee delivered the eulogy. What can I say about this man? He was a quiet and hardworking man. He was a man of few words. When I first came to Sabah, we were not able to communicate much. He did try to pick up a few Hokkien words and phrases in order to strike a bit of conversation with me. I know he loved to travel and see new places. He was delighted when we gave him a jacket for his trip to China. The grandchildren too hardly talked to him as most of the time he was busy working whenever we paid them a visit. Unfortunately towards the end of his life, his muscles began to deteriorate and he was hardly able to walk. Finally he became completely bedridden and needed 24 hrs care. It was a difficult decision, but after much deliberation, the family finally decided to send him to a nursing home. This experience has changed my perception of nursing homes. I used to think that inmates of these homes are lonely rejects and that their family members don’t care about them. But having seen the efficient and professional care given by those caregivers, I am now opened to such an option should I too one day reach a stage where I can no longer look after myself. As for my father-in-law, I am glad he passed away peacefully in his sleep. At least we have the comfort that he is now in Heaven and we shall meet again on the day on the second coming of Christ.
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I am very sorry to hear about your FIL's passing. Please send my condolence to Alfred. Life is such that any of us could go any time; when you have worked my kind of job, you will be very philosophical. We deal with sickness, disability and death every day; but it still affects us when our loved ones are unwell and death occurs too near home. Every day is a special day, tell your loved ones you love them, prepare a will, let the loved ones know where everything is, what you want to do if anything happens. Most Chinese are superstitious, but these are important things that needs to be organised.E will be able to tell you the consequences of not having a valid will, at the tender age of 27, she has her will written out. We are not superstitious, we are practical.
I remember granddad's funeral, it was a grand occasion that was the talk of the village for months. I nursed him and was with him when he was dying. He died of cancer of stomach and was burning inside. I am quite sure he was in a lot of pain too, but at that time there was no morphine to ease the pain. He asked for cold drink and was given cold soya drink by grandma. He sipped a little and threw it at grandma, cursing and swearing at her. RIght till the end, they were still fighting! I shooled and calmed him down and placed cold flannel on his forehead, he lapsed into unconsciousness and immediately all the menfolk started washing him and dressed him in seven layers of silk gowns, long flowing Chinese gown. (The gowns had to be worn before the person died, otherwise it is unlucky) Granddad regained consciousness and was feeling and counting the layers of clothing he was wearing. He was kept alive for another day and was unrobbed because the menfolk were not sure whether he was going to die. WHen he lapsed into unconsciousness again, they rerobbed him. I nursed him day and night, and that afternoon I went to my bedroom to do some mending, I heard china smashed onto the floor to announce granddad's passing. I rushed out and up to today it was still a big regret that I was not with him when he died.(I had grown so fond of the old "bugger" after nursing him for so long)Grandma was in tears and was calling him names cursing him for "leaving her". What a love/hate relationship those two had!
The minute granddad died, all mirrors were covered and the womenfolk in the village gathered at our house, each bringing their own sewing machine, rolls of blue and white materials were brought in; we were all measured and new mourning costumes were made for each member of the family. Each person had at least two sets of costume. While the women were busy sewing, the men set up tents, organised tables for food, for mahjong. Dad's good friend organised the coffin, band, transport etc. It was a real good example of cooperation and organisation, everyone seemed to know what to do. My dad was upset, he might be a big man, an importsnt man in the village,but he had just lost his father who
worked along side him and whom he respected. I witnessed him crying with deep sorrow.
Granddad worked hard, though he liked gambling he always provided for his family. He was strong willed, a doer, and a fouled mouth husband when he quarreled with grandma. He was not educated but he was keen to make sure that future generation have the chance of good education. He travelled to Singapore to persuade the big landowner of Sri Gading, the YEO Hap Seng family for donation of land which is where the Sri Gading primary school stands today.He raised lots of fund for building , maintaining, the upkeep and salary for teachers as it was privately funded. This is my grandfather's legacy to the people of Sri Gading!
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